Let's Talk About Love




Let’s Talk about Love


According to the Greeks, there are six types of love.


Eros - Sexual Passion
Philia - Deep Friendship
Ludus - Playful Love
Agape - Love for Everyone
Pragma - Long Standing Love
Philautia - Love of the Self

Eros -   Named after the Greek god of fertility, this kind of love represents sexual passion and desire. But don’t be fooled by how good it sounds, this kind of love was actually feared by the Greeks and thought to be dangerous and cause “madness”.  They saw it as an irrational form of love that could possess and control you. Think, “falling madly in love” and/or making not so great decisions for one moment of gratified pleasure, which you will pay for later.

Philia - The Greeks valued Philia far more than Eros.  Philia is the kind of love between deep and long-lasting friends.  It is about loyalty, sacrifice, and being vulnerable by sharing your emotions.  This kind of love can also be experienced between parents and children. With Philia you are willing to fight alongside someone on a battlefield and possibly even die for them.  

Ludus - This type of love is playful and is found between children or very casual lovers.  This is what it feels like at the beginning of a relationship. Teasing, banter, and flirtation. We can also experience Ludus when we go out and have a good time with friends.  Dancing may be the most ultimate Ludic activity as it is a playful way to express loving emotions, towards oneself and/or others. Ludus spices up a dead love life and reminds us to be a little more innocent and carefree.

Agape -  Agape is selfless love.  This love goes out to all.  Friends, Family, Lover, Stranger.  It is the equivalent of the Latin word Caritas, which means “charity”.  Agape could also be seen as divine love, universal love, or Metta - universal loving kindness.  It is also empathetic and compassionate love.

Pragma - This ancient Greek root word describes a mature, realistic love.  It is compromise, tolerance, and patience. This type of love is most commonly found amongst long-established couples.  Pragma helps our committed relationship to grow and ripen over time. You could say Pragma is more about “standing in love” than “falling in love”.  It takes effort but is very worth it in the end.

Philautia - This self-love comes in two forms.  The unhealthy form of self-obsession and narcissism and the healthy form which enhances your capacity to love others by first loving yourself.  If you like yourself and feel secure in yourself, then you have plenty of love to give away to others. This type of love is diverse and starts within. Philautia may be the most important kind of love because, without it, we can't really experience any of the other types of love.
For the sake of this particular entry, let’s just focus on Philautia, self-love. I believe when we are babies, we love ourselves completely.  So much so we would run around naked and try to eat our own feet. We all truly loved ourselves until someone else did something or said something that made us question our self-love.


I remember one of the first times this happened to me, I was in kindergarten. I "loved" a girl named Felicia. We would flirt during recess and I would pick her dandy-lions and give them to her with a big smile on my face. A perfect example of Ludus.
One day during movie time, she and I were sharing a blanket. I remember it so vividly.  Underneath the blanket, we were holding hands and for some reason one of the other kids in the class ripped our blanket away exposing us, and started pointing and saying, “Ewwww, groooosss…” and the teacher rushed over and shamed us publically for our innocent hand holding.
Felicia pulled her hand away from mine aggressively and I could tell she was embarrassed.  She scooted over a few inches away from me and looked at me like there was something wrong with me.  I was so hurt in that moment and the reaction of the other kid, the teacher, and Felicia made me question my "love". My self-love and my love for another.
*Funny, I just realized that “Philautia” kind of sounds like “Felicia”.
From that moment on, my relationship to self-love and my love of others would be in question, and often covered in shame and filled with confusion or guilt.
So skip ahead two and a half decades and here we are.  I am still learning how to love myself, and others.  And I mean truly LOVE myself.  After a couple of abusive relationships, sexual assaults, awakened memories of childhood trauma, and dealing with my gender identity and sexual orientation, the journey to self-love has not been easy.  But I am doing it. Honestly, for the first time in my life, I can say I am proud of who I am and how far I’ve come in my progress of self-love.

These days I choose to love myself with wild abandon!  I choose to love every single part of who I am. I love my light and I love my dark.  I love my quirky uniqueness and my plain normalcy. I love my art, my voice, my body, my Magik, my wisdom, skills, talent, vision, persistence, story, home, job, life experience, family, friends, Beloved, etc… I could go on and on.  I love myself. I invite, invoke and proclaim an in-bodied and deeply intimate experience of Philautia, and because of everything I’ve been through, I can now also help others find their way back to it for themselves.

There's actually nothing I love more than love.

Love is saving the world. All we need is love. Love is my religion. Love is a many splendored thing. So, below is a simple Self-Love ritual to help you connect to yourself and In-Body Philautia.
First, we will create an Altar for Aphrodite, the Greek Goddess of Love.
Cover your altar with a deep red cloth, set two vases of roses each on the back corners of your altar. 

Find a figure of Aphrodite (or Venus) or print out a picture of Her and place it at the back of your altar. Place two red or pink candles each on the front corners of your altar.
Sprinkle rose petals in a circle and place a photograph of yourself in the center.
Light the candles.

Burn Jasmine incense 

Sit in front of your altar with one hand on your heart and the other hand on your belly.
Cast the word-spell:
“Aphrodite, Goddess of Love, Be Here Now.
Aphrodite, Goddess of Love, Bless Me Now.
Aphrodite, Goddess of Love, Love Me Now.
I offer myself up to this altar of love and devotion, Honoring the Me that I AM.
I embrace and in-body a full YES, to knowing myself
I embrace and in-body a full YES, to feeling myself
I embrace and in-body a full YES, to supporting myself
I embrace and in-body a full YES, to loving myself
I am filled with and surrounded by the holy essence of Philautia.
I love myself fully and completely.  Inside and out. From top to bottom.
There is no one else like me.
I am perfect.

I deserve Love in all it's forms, starting first, with the love of Self.
Thank you, Aphrodite, Show me how to love myself best.”
Make a list of all of the things you love about yourself.  

Write yourself a love note.

Put these on your altar and read them to yourself on St. Valentine’s Day.
Love yourself, love others. You deserve it! We all deserve it!
Magikally,
Trendy Witch

*If you want to know more about your love, self-love, love of another or others, contact me for a love-based Tarot reading www.wisemoontarot.com! OR gift yourself with loving healing sessions from www.wisemoonwellness.org!

Comments

  1. Beautifully expressed. You have always radiated love. So proud, despite loveless times , you let live win.
    Xxxooo

    ReplyDelete

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